I’m breaking protocol.  This is not about my dating exploits.  This instead is about today, which happened to be the second day at my new job.  I really wasn’t sure how to dress, but I figured better to overdress than underdress.  I have a pair of pretty nice gray slacks I’ve had for some time but just haven’t had the opportunity to wear.  This is my big chance!

Being a new pair of pants, they have a few tags.  I remove them, and then proceed to scrutinize the pants for any other tags or stickers.  That would be the last thing I’d need.  All set.  I throw them on, put my shirt on, tuck it in, put on my shoes and add the final touch: the belt.  Hello full-length mirror.  I do look fine if I may say so myself.  Off to work.

It’s 10:30.  I’ve been sitting in a meeting for 2 hours at this point.  I’m at a conference table across from one guy and next to one other guy that’s doing most of the talking.  My upper leg itches, so I scratch it.  What?  That was odd.  I scratch my leg again.  Um.  I look down.  And I see what is quite possibly the worst scene known to mankind.

Yep, that’s a gaping 3 inch hole in the crotchal region of my pants.  Note the inner thigh has been replaced with my palm in this picture both for ease of photo-taking and to prevent reader-nausea.  What’s worse at this point: having gone 2 hours like this without knowing who has seen it, or the thought that I have to make it through another 7 hours here?  I’m really not sure.  But I have meetings lined up literally back to back to back so I won’t even be able to have some time to investigate the situation/find a ledge to jump off of.

There really isn’t much more to say or any way to truly convey the awkwardness of the situation that I had to deal with the rest of the day.  It was my impression that squeezing my legs tightly together, while highly uncomfortable, provided me with protection from discovery.  This didn’t hold true though when I would to have to later stand up to move to new conference rooms, walk to people’s desks to meet them for the first time, get in this guy’s car to drive to lunch, or grab an afternoon coffee with someone else.  Then at 6, just when I thought I was free to run home and hide and also to craft my 2 week resignation notice, my new boss invites me to dinner.  Super.  Bring on 3 more hours of awkwardness and constant second-guessing.  Did he see the hole or didn’t he?


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