The Break-Up


Sunday afternoon, I get a text from Jamie.  If you recall, she is the girl I was out with the night before for drinks and dancing (yes, dancing).  She wants to go see a movie in a few hours.  Besides the fact that I had a date lined up for that evening with Ashley, I had already been leaning towards ending it with her.  Since she “just didn’t want to get hurt,” it was only going to get messier, and I honestly didn’t see things going too far with her.  I reply and tell her I can’t.

By the time Monday rolled around, I had made up my mind: no more Jamie.  But, how to end it?  My thought with a 4 date stint was that it didn’t require an in-person break-up, but at the very least, a phone call or text.  But what do I go with?  I’ve met someone else?  I’m really busy with work and school and just don’t have the time?  Your dating profile picture was deceitful?

I consult my personal dating advisor.  Now, for those of you that know this person (which realistically is all of you at this point), you would say that this was my first downfall.  “What the hell were you thinking?”  “She is the Anti-Christ.”  “All of her personal and professional relationships are the epitome of the word ‘dysfunctional.’”  All plausible thoughts that might enter your head.  So at her request for anonymity, let’s just call her “Susan.”

“Susan” advises me that I should just employ the ignore technique.  For me, this sounds fantastic, but I realize it would be a pretty schmucky move.  But it WOULD make things incredibly easy.  I give a half-hearted rebuttal: “Don’t I owe her more than that?”  “Susan”: “You owe her nothing.  What could you possibly say that would make the situation better?”  Me: “Nothing, I suppose…”  “Susan”: “Exactly.  She will get the picture eventually.”

Ignore technique it is.  Maybe I just won’t hear from her again.  Monday closes.  That was easy.  Tuesday rolls by.  Wednesday.  I’m livin’ the dream!  Thursday.  4:17 pm.  “Hey u, how’s ur week been?”  Shit.  Of course it was too good to be true.  Well, here goes nothing.  And by nothing, I mean literally nothing.

Well that should at least buy me a couple days of peace and quiet.  Six hours later: “Is everything ok?”  Ok, I’m going to be getting some more of these.  The next morning: “Hey…haven’t heard from you, not sure what’s going on, hope to hear from you soon…”  Now I’m feeling pretty bad.  I should say something.  Anything.  I touch base with Susan (err, I mean, “Susan”).  “Susan”: “NO!  Stay strong!”  Alright, I’m going to play this one out as you wish.  The next night, Saturday at 10:50pm, another text: “Haha imma b drunk already.”

At this point there’s no going back.  But I do take the time to reflect on the logic that led me down this path to begin with.  “What could you possibly say that would make the situation better?”  In other words, I don’t want to see her anymore, and there’s really no way to candy coat that.  If I say something like “I’m really busy with school and work” or “I’m not looking for anything serious,” that just gives her a loophole to say “That’s ok, we can take it slow!”  If I say something like “I just want to be friends” or “there is someone else,” that will only hurt her more.  But by that same logic then, couldn’t I have just skipped out on breaking up with my previous girlfriend of six years?  Granted, the ignoring thing might have been a little awkward when we’re both sitting in the living room eating dinner, but it would have made things far easier.  Or maybe this logic doesn’t apply when you’re living with someone, but what if you’ve been dating for a year?  6 months?  Clearly the line has to be drawn somewhere.  Advice is welcome, as I imagine this will come up again.

Update: 6 days later, Friday, 3/11.  I get one more text from Jamie.  Hmmm… well I technically don’t have anything lined up for tomorrow night.

Come on!  I couldn’t possibly be that low, could I?


5 Responses to “The Break-Up”

  1. 1 "Eric"

    You really need to turn to Homer Simpson on this one – “Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.”

  2. That’s not bad. Short, sweet, gets the point across, although use of the word “Baby” could confuse the message some. I may need to swap that with something more direct.

    I also still need to know the method of delivery. Text? Phone? Hand-written note delivered via carrier pigeon?

  3. 5 "Brian T"

    This blog is awesome.

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